What is possible and what is my potential?
9 years ago i asked myself this very question when leaving the Military after a 13 year career and i’ve been answering it ever since.
Truth is you will never know the answer to that question and that’s the great part, you are only ever scratching the surface on both what is possible and your potential.
“How can i live my life in pure satisfaction and fulfilment in every single area“?
“How do i find balance with my work/business, health/fitness, relationships, family, hobbies, environment without one or more areas suffering”?
“i’ve done a lot of work on myself but i still feel like there is a missing piece i can’t quite put my finger on”
I got curious, i got excited, i got scared as i set off on a new adventure to finding out.
I had to become somebody else, (so i thought) i had to let go of the parts of my life i had built for years that were who i thought i was but deep down knew that wasn’t me. I had got depressed, complacent, felt lost but didn’t know why.
you wouldn’t have noticed though, we men are masters of disguise ……”i’m fine”. on paper and to the outside world everything seemed great, can’t complain, but under the surface, in the pit of your stomach, you’re far from “fine”.
i thought i had it sorted, after all i was in the Military for so long, been off to war zones, been on a sinking ship (for real), i can do and figure everything out by myself, a lone wolf, i just get shit done.
I took me losing everything that i attached my identity to, the long term relationship, the new family home, a miscarriage, while i was still struggling inside and not knowing what or why.
I rented a house in the countryside, let go of the therapy business i just started and sat in my shit for 6 months, no distractions, just a lot of deep, raw and cathartic emotions i had no idea were there but knew i had to face head on, no more running away. The lid was off and there was no fucking way i was putting it back on. I went all in, balls deep ….and it sucked but i had nowhere else left to go but inside.
Leadership, guidance and direction.
I invested in myself and hired mentors as i had burnt myself out and felt like i had ran out of options, like i had exhausted my current blueprint on being a man. I needed what i had felt i was missing since leaving the Military…Leadership, guidance and direction. But in a very different way, in ways i did’t even realise i needed but ended up being what i needed the most…… going inside, what us men spend most of our life tip toeing around and avoiding.
i had the mentality down, i was a resilient fucker, but i felt there was a missing piece i couldn’t quite put my finger on.
I wasn’t emotionally available in my relationship, it was starved of intimacy and connection even though at the time i would have told you and believed that my relationship was “fine”. Sex was infrequent and disconnected and i used to cheat… a lot.
I was stubborn and naive that i could figure everything out on my own……… typical man logic. We like to prove how much shit we can carry and make things harder for ourselves than they need to be…we wear it like a badge of honour. Ahhh our fragile male egos.
And where do you go as a man with this shit?
i thought it was just me, other men don’t have all this shit inside them, it must be unique to me (special -itis syndrome) we like to think we are so different and special, that no one else deals with this shit so we keep it to ourselves.
We don’t talk about those things as men, what will other guys think, will i get judged, shamed, ridiculed….i don’t want to be seen as or feel weak and emasculated, a pussy.
It gives you anxiety to think about revealing your deepest truths,, fears, insecurities, pains, struggles. You’re a man……so man the fuck up right.
I didn’t even feel like i could go to my family or friends, they wouldn’t understand (people don’t often like you reflecting back that which is deep and raw, they don’t want their own darkness mirrored back to them).
And they can’t help you navigate through it, how can they if they haven’t been there themselves? You might get all the well intentioned advice…support…chin up. But it won’t help you to get to the roots and deal with what you need to but can’t quite see for yourself.
You can read all the books you want, take the ice baths, go to the gym, become a vegan (just kidding) watch the youtube videos, sit around and talk about your feelings until the sun goes down (which is a great breakthrough for most men by the way) take all the courses you want, all the quick fixes and band aid solutions.
But often they are just more distractions from doing the actual fucking work that you’ve been needing to for decades but couldn’t quite see it….. but you FEEL it in the pit of your stomach, in your gut, when you’re alone with your thoughts at night and when you can’t sleep
Information is not and never will be your problem, you have all the information you could ever need for transformation at the tip of your fingers in that device in your pocket, so we know that’s not the issue, otherwise you’d have done it by now.
When the penny drops and you stop banging your head against a brick wall, doing the same shit and nothing changes, exhausting all your energy and still…..minimal change and progress.
You put yourself in a position where to have to fucking change, you give yourself no other choice.
If you want your relationships to have deeper intimacy and connection like you have never experienced before,
Get the fuck out of your head and performance mode to have better and more connected sex, wake up with ‘the good wood’ every morning.
Show up and lead in your relationship/ be the man that you really want to but don’t quite know how and the blueprint you got given (from parents and society) isn’t working for you anymore, it’s old and outdated.
Want more energy than you know what to do with? Of course you do. Your body is an instrument of action and has more energy potential than you could know what to do with.
You are a man which means you are an athlete, you like to feel useful, to feel strong and capable, not just physically, but mentally. You need challenge to grow like muscles need constant repetition to grow/become stronger….. so does your mental attitude and emotional resilience to become a more effective/integrated man.
Emotionally, this is one of the most powerful areas we can work on as men, we are all carrying old emotional weight that is slowing us down, keeps us repressed, looking and feeling older and heavier. Go look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and be real honest about what you see/feel. Are they dark, dull, lifeless? That’s all repressed emotion you still carry and it’s become your ‘normal’ way of feeling which is so far from what is actually waiting for you when we start purging and letting that shit go.
Self image, every man i work with, when we dig deeper inside has a less than optimal view of themselves, how you truly see and feel about yourself, what your self talk really sounds like. Without the bullshit pretence and fake confidence. Your need to constantly feel the need to do more, work harder, try harder, to prove something . To be more and feel more hoping it will override a deeper lack of self worth, being ‘good enough’ and that you don’t deserve everything to be truly great in your life so you find something to sabotage ……. maybe your relationship, your health/fitness, finances, business...having more joy, good happen in all areas often triggers our deep rooted lack, non deserving self, too much joy and good can be too much to contain in your body. We don’t want to lose it so we don’t fully allow ourselves to have it.
you can’t outperform a limited self image, but you spend so much time and energy trying to do exactly that.…. there is a more efficient way that will save you time and energy. Do the deeper self image work.
I’m 39 and every year i feel better, fitter, clearer, more grounded, stronger, lighter, joyful, more connected and more ME than ever.
In a relationship that has deeper intimacy and connection, more connected sex, more radical honesty and truth than i have ever experienced. (I believe most men want this and find it to be one of the most important areas men want to work on….it’s also the most challenging.)
I live exactly how i truly wanted to deep down from doing this work, i go on adventures, climb mountains, live where i want (currently ibiza), live in a house that i used to think was just a dream or would take years to happen…..some real Tony Stark shit.
I constantly have more joy, fun, play in every single area of my life. Yes that also comes with challenges.
I have a business that i absolutely love and fires me up every day to show up fully and lead and that solves big problems in the world of men that feels purposeful, fulfilling and joyful and allows me more time to do the things i love/hobbies, more time with people i love. It fills me up with energy rather than draining it.
I have groups of men around me that inspire and push each other, encourage and support each other to raise our standards like i’ve never had before.
I have a strong, clear, kind and loving self image that is always evolving, clear boundaries, i know what i stand for, what my values and principles are, non negotiable standards that i’m not open to abandoning for anyone.
I have a clear ‘why’, vision and direction for what i’m building, but more importantly…who i need to BE. I call this getting emotionally fucking involved in your life. Getting your life force, energy and fire activated and laser focussed.
I have more energy than i know what to do with, clear, calm, grounded and rooted more as a man than i have ever been. (of course there are wobbles at times too)
How did all that happen?
By getting radically fucking honest and uncomfortable with myself, about myself exactly what i wanted from each area of my life regardless if i had no idea of the how.
Then go and live it/create it…that’s ‘the work’, not more books and courses, more fluffy band aid solutions, the deep internal work every day. That is where your bullshit stories, mental masturbation, emotional blocks will show up the most.
What is the point in healing, working on yourself if you’re not going to extract every ounce of potential out of the process?
Repeat, repeat…repeat, make mistakes, fail, learn. get emotionally fucking involved in your life. It’s easy to talk a good game, you will find more truth and radical honesty when you take the leap……….. it can’t not happen.
The only reason you won’t get what you really want is if you stop, then it’s impossible for it not to happen, often in ways more than you imagined and better, do you want that much good in your life?
Is it hard?
Not as hard as not doing it.
What kind of life are you creating…in every single area?
What are you building and why?
Without knowing that, men are lost and in internal turmoil.
Taking RIGHT action that is from your very clear and vivid vision that you are emotionally fucking involved in, not scattered, energy depleting MORE action disguised as ‘productivity’.
You will need new tools and new action for you new life.
If you’ve read this far then you know there is something in this that resonates with you.
It is not luck, it is not that you are different and it won’t work for you.
Leading Men Group
You don’t have to be in the best physical shape/health already.
You don’t have to be in a relationship already.
You don’t have to know exactly what you want already. If you were really truly connected to that you’d be doing it already. Without big vision there is zero growth or inspiration.
You do need a strong desire.
You do need the will.
You do need to grab your balls, straighten your spine and open your heart.
If you want more …..
Deep intimacy and connection in your relationships like never before, more connected sex, the ‘good wood’ when you wake up.
More energy than you know what to do with.
More mental clarity, laser focus.
Feel more calm, grounded and certain in who you are.
More time to do the things you love with the people you love.
Is to keep trying to figure this shit out on your own.
Keep exhausting yourself, feeling lost, mentally masturbating, overthinking, trying to rationalise all the logical steps before you take action by constantly being in your head and disconnect from your body.
Keep taking tiny steps to avoid the actual work that would give you radical shifts.
Tip toeing around what you’ve been avoiding for most of your life.
Change is always happening, life is going on with or without you. You get to decide what that looks like.
If you want the guidance, direction and leadership to help you get there quicker and more effectively.
To feel supported in helping you navigate through the places that you have never been into before without wasting even more of your valuable time and energy.
And help you to show up as the man you know you can be and want to be in every single area of your life.
Then let’s take the next step into discovering what that looks like for you..
I didn’t expect it to go deeeeeep, but it has, four years of sessions with a top consultant Psychologist might have got me through my divorce and depression but when i reached for the anti-anxiety meds in desperation at the same old shit, something had to change. 3 months working with Craig and i’m looking at the world with whole new eyes… no med, speaking up for myself and seeing shifts in my relationship dynamics that i’d given up on trying to change – parents, kids, the ex, my job. This has helped me free up time and energy to enjoy this precious life more and see it’s potential.
I’m going to keep this simple and to the point which is a big reason why i trust Craig with my coaching. He tells you straight, no messing about but with such care and attention, you feel supported and pushed at the same time. The mix of insights from his teaching and discovering my BS is Craig’s strength. He digs it out, shines a light on it and helps you to fix it fast. I trust him with my life..and have done, his leadership skills are invaluable when times are tough. he is a no nonsense kinda guy that will give you a hug at the end of an incredibly stressful time. Leadership AND Empathy are not common in people but Craig has both. Proud to call him my mentor.